paperplane on fire!

hi, my old stuffs.

Seriously,

I'm the kind of guy who gets a little bit too nostalgic when it comes to my personal belongings, or sometimes, the person I used to really like.

 

Simply speaking,

it's hard for the to throw out stuffs that I have bought from many years ago. It's also hard for me to forget or get over the girl(s) I have had crush on many years ago. (Move on, Eman!)

 

And that's why,

I keep coming back here, checking that everything I have written all these years are still kept in tact.

 

And I still check (a better word than 'stalk') the Facebook profile of the girl I used to like.. or maybe I still secretly like. Pffft, I don't even know myself anymore.

 

So,

That's it for now.

 

Thank you TypePad (and previously Vox) . I'll be coming back. Sooner, or later.

On that particular morning, we were walking slowly across the field in the depth of snow, as if we were trying to dampen the sound of our footsteps.

We then stopped by the freezing river.

We stood there silently, holding hands. For a while there, our eyes met each other for the longest time I've ever remembered. To the rest of the world, this moment might seem to last only for a mere seconds. To me, it felt like I was stuck in a broken time machine that was set on loop, of which I could never get out from. (And why would I want to?)

That bright brown eyes, that wavy hair of yours.

In that silence, everything seemed to make sense. It wasn't the cold season's fault that brought us both to this. It never was anyone else's fault. It was us who did this to ourselves. Down there under the freezing river I could still see fishes swimming. So why couldn't our hearts beat the same rhythm again under these cold, frozen egos of you and me?

I could have said 'I'm sorry' for the millionth times. But when you chose to let go of my hands from the clasp of your fingers, there was nothing more that I could prove to you.

Somewhere above I could hear the crackling sounds of frozen leaves trying to pull themselves away from the tree where they came from. Or maybe it was the tree trying to get rid of the leaves to survive the cold weather.

You could be either the leaves or the tree. But I still wish we were together like the tree and the leaves in the heat of Summer.

the truth

How can you expect me not to fall for you when you are just as beautiful as the glowing morning light?

mimpi itu tidak pernah indah

Semalaman aku tidak tidur membaiki blog warnapiksel.net yang sudah lama terabai. Kalaulah laman 'web' itu secara literarinya bermaksud sesawang, aku rasa sesawang di blog aku sudah cukup banyak untuk memerangkap labah-labah yang meletakkan sesawang itu sendiri.

 

Nah, begitu rumit sekali cubaan aku untuk menunjukkan betapa lama aku tidak singgah ke blog sendiri.

 

Well, at least labah-labah itu boleh memakan dirinya sendiri sempena makan malam.

 

...

 

Kadang-kadang aku rasa lucu bila memikirkan tentang segala perkara yang bermain di minda. In fact, memikirkan tentang apa yang aku fikirkan sendiri sudah pun boleh dianggap tidak normal. Queer. Weird. You name it.

 

"Perkara apakah yang lucu itu?" kamu bertanya.

 

Dan aku menjawab, "yang lucunya apabila terlintas di benak fikiran aku komposisi not-not muzik yang orijinal tetapi aku tidak mampu memainkannya dengan gitar ataupun piano. Atau, apabila pelbagai rangkap-rangkap puitis datang menerkam di fikiran namun aku gagal untuk tuliskan atau luahkan secara lisan."

 

Akhirnya aku biarkan saja semua itu tersimpul dan tersirat di dalam kepala ini.

 

Tak mengapalah. Mungkin aku tidak cukup berbakat untuk semua itu.

 

...

 

And yes, silence does not always mean 'yes'.

 

I learned that the hard way :)

rawak otak 2011 - #1

Rasanya aku terlihat tahi bintang malam tadi.

 

Ya, aku yakin itu tahi bintang, kerna ia laju menjunam lalu hilang secara tiba-tiba.

 

Atau mungkin juga itu UFO. Entahlah.

 

Dan di saat itu aku teringat mitos barat yang mengatakan sebarang permintaan yang dibuat ketika melihat tahi bintang jatuh akan menjadi benar. Well, aku tidaklah percaya benda-benda sebegitu.

 

Malah kalau aku percaya pun, sudah terlambat juga kerna ia sudah hilang.

 

Haha.

 

...

 

Aku rasa kebelakangan ini, skill atau kebolehan aku untuk bertutur secara lisan semakin merosot. Lebih-lebih lagi dengan kewujudan Twitter, apa saja yang terlintas di fikiran akan terus saja aku sampaikan di Twitter, membuatkan aku kehilangan idea untuk berborak dan bertanggapan bahawa rakan-rakan aku akan membaca setiap tweet aku.

 

Sampaikan idea untuk menulis di blog ini pun semakin kering, gara-gara terlalu kerap micro-blogging di Twitter. Hadoi!

 

Lebih teruk lagi apabila aku memandu, dan ada penumpang lain di dalam kereta, dan aku tiada isi untuk dibualkan. Sangat menyedihkan. Perasaan okwed (awkward) sahaja membisu tanpa bunyi.

 

Dan yang terpaling teruk, apabila penumpang itu sendiri adalah perempuan yang kau mahu pikat hatinya. Rasa nak tampar diri sendiri kuat-kuat dan selaju yang boleh. Kau fikir mudah ke nak kumpul semua karej (courage) untuk mengajak dia keluar, dan kau endedap (ended up) tidak mampu bertutur sepatah kata langsung ketika si dia duduk di sebelah kau sepanjang perjalanan pulang.

 

Oh, man. That's just pathetic, man.

 

Dah. Baik aku pergi tweet. Ops, silap. Maksud aku, baik aku pergi tidur.

kembalinya saya di sini

Melihat kembali kepada sejarah blog ini, di peringkat awalnya aku memulakan blog ini (dan juga blog sebelumnya) sepenuhnya ditulis/taip di dalam Bahasa Inggeris. But that was years ago. Sehinggalah aku mula menulis di dalam Bahasa Melayu/Malaysia, pasca 2007/8. Ketika itulah blog ini menerima kunjungan ramai pembaca dari kalangan rakan-rakan aku sendiri mahupun dari sumber yang tidak diketahui.

 

Aku tidak tahu sama ada aku betul-betul gembira atau tidak dengan kehadiran pembaca yang ramai. Well, sebenarnya gembira jugalah. Sekurang-kurangnya aku bukan menulis seperti aku bercakap dengan dinding. Bagus juga bila ada feedback dari para pembaca walaupun tidak banyak.

 

Sekarang, semua sudah berubah. Semenjak pertengahan 2009, aku sudah kurang menulis. Aku lebih banyak mengambil gambar. Aku juga sudah kurang membaca. Kata orang, bila kita banyak membaca, ketika itulah kita ada banyak perkara dan idea untuk ditulis. Malangnya, frekuensi aku membaca semakin berkurangan. Hence, kurang menulis.

 

Seperkara lagi, semenjak aku tamat pengajian dari Korea Selatan, privasi aku sudah semakin berkurangan gara-gara komputer ini diletakkan di kawasan ruang tamu. Serius, aku memang sedikit terganggu dan tidak senang apabila diperhatikan orang ketika aku menaip.

 

Tapi apa-apa pun, aku akan terus menulis. Walau perlahan mana sekalipun. Aku akan cuba.

 

Apa-apa pun, sekarang ni, gua nak tidur dulu.

izinkan.

Sebenarnya aku masih rindu untuk menulis.

 

Jadi izinkanlah aku untuk kembali menulis, wahai hati.

gadis manis :)

The weirdest start

Hello 2011. It's been a weird start of a year. Mainly because I think I have started to abandon things that I used to love the most - like writing and playing PS3 - up to an extent. And the only thing I do now is photography as my main source of income to support my lifestyle. Yes, I don't have a permanent job. People around me keep telling me that all those years I spent in Korea are going to be a waste if I don't get myself a proper job.

 

Tell you what? That's bullshit. I don't believe in a civilization where you are required to sit in a cubicle and just do whatever you're told to do. That, I tell you, is a waste of life. Simply said, I have always been a rebel to the world.

 

But my life is not all that depressing as it sounds. My job as a photographer is actually wonderful. I love this job. I get to meet new people, make new friends (and probably foes along the way), and get pretty, wonderful photos. How's that compared to sitting in a cubicle? It's totally priceless.

 

And at the moment, I think I'm getting along quite well with the girl I like. Well, you know, the (not so) stranger I've been telling about since last year. I managed to ask her out again to a recent event in KL - quite funny if you ask me. I think it was strange that I actually felt like I can't be who I have always been for all these years. And this is not something I made up to make myself to look cool or anything. It's a strange feeling; it feels like your body is absolutely free but you can't even move a finger.

 

Well, with the tiniest optimism in me, I'm telling myself that at least I have tried, and braved myself to ask her out (for the third time). I honestly can't believe myself at this point. I'm really trying! :)

 

That should be it for now; the first post for 2011. I'll post up something soon - just don't expect it to be that soon. Adios!

the funniest thing

It seems that, in just less than 3 weeks, the year 2010 will be leaving me, you, and all of us.

 

I had several resolutions set for 2010 when it started almost 12 months ago.

 

I gotta say, most of them are yet to be achieved. Or should I say, won't be achieved anytime soon.

 

But of all the yet-to-be  achieved resolutions, there's one I would really regret for not doing.

 

But then, heck. Just forget about it. It's just the funniest thing I've ever wished I'd done.